I’m sorry…

but am I really?  Once I started paying attention, I am blown away by how many times and in what situations I am saying “I’m sorry.” Over the past week I have apologized to inanimate objects including a door, a couch, my car, and a wall (I’m clumsy).  I have apologized to my various animals for not paying attention to them, for it being cold outside (poor chickens), and the list goes on.  I have apologized to people in my life for things that are not within my control AT ALL (e.g., my husband because he had a bad day).  I have apologized for the world being an unfair place, for bad things happening to good people, and for not having the energy to make supper (I live with another adult who is completely capable of making supper also, just saying).  I find myself wanting to apologize for choosing to engage in self-care behaviors instead of working more or doing more th

ings for people in my life (this will likely be an entire blog post in the future).

It is truly an eye-opening experience to start tracking when you say, “I’m sorry!” As I write this, I am shaking my head at what I have apologized for and thinking, “wow! You must think you are really important to be responsible for all of these things in life (eye roll).”  So, one lesson I can take away from these observations is to be more intentional about what I am apologizing for and keep it to things I actually play a part in.  Check.  Got that lesson.

Here’s another thing though, the one thing/person/animal I am NOT apologizing to, and probably who really needs it, is myself.  How often do you apologize to yourself for:

• Ignoring basic needs (like having to use the bathroom!);
• Not getting enough sleep;
• Harsh commentary on appearance, weight, activity level, mothering, etc.;
• Unrealistic expectations;
• Skipping meals, eating junk, or eating in a way that is not nourishing;
• Spending time with people who are hurtful;
• Forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to do;
• Being responsible for everyone and everything;
• Withholding love from yourself when you need support;
• Not asking for help?

Probably never… unless you are one of those super awesome, highly evolved people. If so, you have my deepest respect and admiration.  We will apologize to our chickens for the weather—ok, maybe not “we” but definitely me—but not apologize to ourselves for ignoring our most basic needs such as not taking the time to use the bathroom!  Where did this all go wrong??  At what point did we decide that we weren’t worthy of an apology?  I don’t have all the answers to these questions, but I have some ideas.  I think one large contributor is how society and social media has distorted reality to the point we think others always have it all together (which they don’t by the way).  I think another contributor is our training by previous generations to make sure that we are taking care of everyone and making sure everyone else is happy and comfortable, while giving little-to-no thought to how WE are doing.  I’m sure you also have your own ideas about how we got to this place of over-apologizing to others and under-apologizing to ourselves.

As we embark upon the holiday season, I challenge you to pay attention to when you say, “I’m sorry,” to be more intentional with apologies, and to make sure you take time to apologize to yourself if it’s needed.