Oct

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I have been honored to be able to work with women who are grieving the loss of pregnancies and infants, so this topic is especially important to me.

President Ronald Reagan is credited with declaring October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month on October 15, 1988 when he said, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses his or her partner, they are called a widow or widower. When a parent loses their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, molar pregnancy, still births, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.”

Most people are not aware of how common pregnancy and infant loss is if they have not experienced such a loss personally or been close to someone who has. About 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage (defined by the spontaneous loss of pregnancy before 20 weeks). 1 in 100 pregnancies (after 20 weeks) and 24,000 babies are stillborn each year. In 2017 there were 3,600 Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUID) in the United States. This includes SIDS, unknown causes, accidental suffocation/strangulation in bed.

Perinatal death represents multiple losses to parents. When expecting a baby, parents envision what their child will be like, how life will look with this child in their lives, and how family dynamics may change. Additionally, parents have goals, dreams, and expectations for their children. All of this is lost. As with any loss, parents who have lost a pregnancy go through a grieving process. Grief involves experiencing the psychological, behavioral, social and physical reactions to loss. There is no specific timeline for grief and grief can look different for everyone. Parents who experience this type of loss are at risk for complicated grief, which is a persistent form of intense grief that often requires professional intervention. It is important to be aware of this possibility in order to be sensitive to the emotional needs of parents who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. The support from others is essential in helping parents through this sensitive and difficult time.

The loss of a pregnancy or an infant is incredibly difficult to understand, especially for the parents. There often are so many unanswered questions even if there are “reasons” or “causes” why the pregnancy or infant did not survive. People may find it difficult to support a parent who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss. This feels uncomfortable to a lot of people, so it is often avoided. Here are some ways that can be helpful in showing your support.

Remind the parents to be gentle with themselves
Offer sincere condolences
Take initiative and complete a task for the parents such as grocery shopping, walking their dog, or driving their children to events if they have other children.
Call the baby by his or her name
Don’t avoid talking about the experience or the baby
Bring a meal or gift card for take out
Ask questions
Cry with them
Check in, even after several weeks, months, years
Encourage involvement in a support group
Do say things like “I am here for you” and “I am so sorry for your loss”
Do NOT say things like “everything happens for a reason” or “you can always have another baby”

There are many resources out there and available to parents who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. I have offered some of the local and nearby resources here.